{Fall & Blessings with a Little Mix of Realness}

My morning started out like every other morning. Dragged myself out of bed, away from the warmth of the covers. Took a shower. Got dressed. Did my hair & makeup. Fed the cats. Grabbed a quick breakfast (thankfully I made it the night before!), poured my coffee into my travel mug (little sugar & cream. stir.) Grabbed my purse & keys, and walked out the door. The moment I stepped on my porch I was greeted with fall. True fall. Coolness in the air! It is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s! I love the changing of the seasons. Especially living in TX, the gift of fall is welcomed. I decorate my home early (usually around Sept 1) in preparation because I like to make fall last in my home as long as possible. I love everything about it. Pumpkin Spice Lattes, spice scented candles that make my home smell a-mazing, the colors, cooler weather, etc. I love how creative God is and how he turns leaves into radiant, beautiful colors. All different. But they flow so well together. Makes me want to praise Him from whom all blessings flow. Such a precious, precious gift. I just want to soak it up and bathe in it for awhile....

Tim and I are in a slow-long-seems like it will never end-days I feel like I'm hanging by a thread-season of our own (kind of feels like a long, hot, TX summer - the kind that never seem to end). This has been one of the toughest seasons of our lives thus far. God is molding us, refining us, s t r e t c h i n g us, sanctifying us. And it is hard. Super hard. And there are days that I just want to give up. There are days that I sit and cry and ask God, Why? and How much longer? and Are you there? There are days where I feel like I'm living the movie 'Groundhog Day' and I wonder, what's the point? I have been all over the map emotionally. I have been distant from people (which I hate). I have seen the ugliness of uglies of sin in my heart. Tim and I have had many hard and long conversations about big life things. I am thankful that him and I are on the same page. We are in prayer. We are waiting on the Lord. I want to be bold in actively seeking Him. His way is far superior than anything I could come up with -- something I need to trust in. God is gracious in that he turns the ugliness of life into something beautiful. God showers us with blessings, daily, even when they don't look like blessings. I am excited to see where God is leading us, as hard as this road has been. 

About a month ago, I found this band on Spotify. LOVE THEM! Go check them out. now.
I love the realness of the lyrics...in our humanness, we are weak. There are days of doubt. There are days of hopelessness. Satan loves nothing more than to put subtle lies in our heads, and so often, I believe them; anything to distract me from my Savior and His promises. There are days when the Lord seems far away. There are days I need to know that the Lord is still holding me in His hands. This is the song that I've been singing the last several months, to be honest. There are days when I cry out to my heavenly Father, 'I need a reason to sing!'

I am thankful that the Lord tenderly, and maybe not so tenderly at times (which is OK because I often need a good kick in the behind -- it's called violent grace) reminds me that He is with me. That He does have me. That He dearly loves me! That this life is not for nothing. I am thankful for Truth. I am thankful for good friends and a church that cares about my soul and my heart. I am thankful for Jesus. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. {Deuteronomy 31:6}

A Quiet Heart

Here I am, returning for yet another attempt at keeping this blog. I have realized that in order for me to keep up with this blog, I'm going to need to be intentional with it. No need to go into a long, dramatic, monologue of "I promise to do this, and I'm going to try to do this, and I will do this and this and this and it's going to stick this time", because knowing myself, there's a good chance it won't stick. However, I would love to be intentional with it and see how it goes. So I'm going to leave it at that!

One of my favorite theologians is Charles Spurgeon. And a dear friend of mine sent me a link to a daily little devotional called Faith's Check Book. Spurgeon had an amazing way with words...and spoke the truth and grace of God so beautifully. I love yesterday's entry on having a quiet heart. I struggle with fear, which encompasses anxiety, worry, control, and other things. In a world full of distraction, especially with technology, I find that it's difficult for me to just be still....be quiet...to listen. I love this verse & Spurgeon's words of truth:

"In quietness and in trust shall be your strength" (Isaiah 30:15 ESV)

"It is always weakness to be fretting and worrying, questioning and mis-trusting. What can we do if we wear ourselves to skin and bone? Can we gain anything by fearing and fuming? Do we not unfit ourselves for action and unhinge our minds for wise decision? We are sinking by our struggles when we might float by faith.

Oh, for grace to be quiet! Why run from house to house to repeat the weary story which makes us more and more heart-sick as we tell it? Why even stay at home to cry out in agony because of wretched forebodings which may never be fulfilled? It would be well to keep a quiet tongue, but it would be far better if we had a quiet heart. Oh, to be still and know that Jehovah is God!

Oh, for grace to be confident in God! The holy One of Israel must defend and deliver His own. He cannot run back from His solemn declarations. We may make sure that every word of His will stand though the mountains should depart. He deserves to be confided in; and if we would display confidence and consequent quietness, we might be as happy as the spirits before the throne.

Come, my soul, return unto thy rest, and lean thy head upon the bosom of the Lord Jesus."

I recently came across old journals from when I was in college. At the time, I was taking classes full-time, working part-time, and newly married. I was young and was so weary in my walk with Christ. I felt as if every entry was the same thing. The same worries. The same anxieties over things I could not control. Depression. I was fearing and fuming over and over and over again. I did not know what it meant to rest. To be still. To rest in the Lord's goodness. To rest in His abounding grace and mercy that He richly bestows up on me daily and freely gives to me by nothing I've done. I was faithless and sinking by my struggles. Over the last several years through different seasons of life, the Lord has graciously revealed to me my lack of faith. He has shown me that through the good times, and the not so good times, all is grace. There is hope in Christ. Through the struggles, I can know in my heart, that the Lord is working for my good. And it's all for His glory. I still struggle, because my flesh still wants that control. I am quick to forget all that I am and all that I have in Christ. I must pick up my cross daily. I pray for the grace to be quiet. To be still. To trust. To rest.

{All is Grace}