Monday, October 1, 2012

{Fall & Blessings with a Little Mix of Realness}

My morning started out like every other morning. Dragged myself out of bed, away from the warmth of the covers. Took a shower. Got dressed. Did my hair & makeup. Fed the cats. Grabbed a quick breakfast (thankfully I made it the night before!), poured my coffee into my travel mug (little sugar & cream. stir.) Grabbed my purse & keys, and walked out the door. The moment I stepped on my porch I was greeted with fall. True fall. Coolness in the air! It is g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s! I love the changing of the seasons. Especially living in TX, the gift of fall is welcomed. I decorate my home early (usually around Sept 1) in preparation because I like to make fall last in my home as long as possible. I love everything about it. Pumpkin Spice Lattes, spice scented candles that make my home smell a-mazing, the colors, cooler weather, etc. I love how creative God is and how he turns leaves into radiant, beautiful colors. All different. But they flow so well together. Makes me want to praise Him from whom all blessings flow. Such a precious, precious gift. I just want to soak it up and bathe in it for awhile....

Tim and I are in a slow-long-seems like it will never end-days I feel like I'm hanging by a thread-season of our own (kind of feels like a long, hot, TX summer - the kind that never seem to end). This has been one of the toughest seasons of our lives thus far. God is molding us, refining us, s t r e t c h i n g us, sanctifying us. And it is hard. Super hard. And there are days that I just want to give up. There are days that I sit and cry and ask God, Why? and How much longer? and Are you there? There are days where I feel like I'm living the movie 'Groundhog Day' and I wonder, what's the point? I have been all over the map emotionally. I have been distant from people (which I hate). I have seen the ugliness of uglies of sin in my heart. Tim and I have had many hard and long conversations about big life things. I am thankful that him and I are on the same page. We are in prayer. We are waiting on the Lord. I want to be bold in actively seeking Him. His way is far superior than anything I could come up with -- something I need to trust in. God is gracious in that he turns the ugliness of life into something beautiful. God showers us with blessings, daily, even when they don't look like blessings. I am excited to see where God is leading us, as hard as this road has been. 

About a month ago, I found this band on Spotify. LOVE THEM! Go check them out. now.
I love the realness of the our humanness, we are weak. There are days of doubt. There are days of hopelessness. Satan loves nothing more than to put subtle lies in our heads, and so often, I believe them; anything to distract me from my Savior and His promises. There are days when the Lord seems far away. There are days I need to know that the Lord is still holding me in His hands. This is the song that I've been singing the last several months, to be honest. There are days when I cry out to my heavenly Father, 'I need a reason to sing!'

I am thankful that the Lord tenderly, and maybe not so tenderly at times (which is OK because I often need a good kick in the behind -- it's called violent grace) reminds me that He is with me. That He does have me. That He dearly loves me! That this life is not for nothing. I am thankful for Truth. I am thankful for good friends and a church that cares about my soul and my heart. I am thankful for Jesus. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. {Deuteronomy 31:6}